If I Die Young
by Rizzles-MerDer-Jaddison
Summary: TRIGGER WARNING - Old Story, thought I'd post. Jane is going through deep emotional trauma, can Maura help? Short, completed but with unanswered questions.
1. Chapter 1

Jane Rizzoli had a terrible night, filled with nightmares, self harm and suicidal thoughts. She was exhausted from the lack of sleep, which was easily noticeable as she walked into the squad room. Sergeant Detective Vince Korsak was already there, along with Nina holiday from B.R.I.C and Jane's younger brother, Frankie. Nina and Frankie were talking by Nina's desk and Korsak was sorting through old files that needed taking down to DCU. Jane didn't particularly feel like engaging with anyone. Her wrists ached, and her head was thumping. She cautiously walked over to her desk, directly opposite her friend, and colleague's desk. She blamed herself for his death. She knew his car crashed into a wall along the motorway, but she knew Frost wouldn't be that reckless. She believed he was attempting suicide. She blamed herself for not seeing the warning signs, for not reaching out to him when he was having an 'off-day'. Jane wouldn't open up to anyone about the feelings she was having. As much as she wanted to tell Maura in particular, she knew she'd regret it immediately afterwards. She sat down at her desk and opened her own folder of work without engaging with anyone. Frankie -upon noticing movement down the other end of the room- was the first to notice Jane's arrival. He excused himself from the conversation with Nina and walked down the room to say hi to his sister.

"Hey Jane!" He shouted happily. Korsak's head shot up and he realised that his partner was there.

"How come you're late?" He asked. Jane had to think of an excuse for getting to work late, she couldn't just say she had a bad night, nightmare's, self harm, almost killing herself, could she? No, she knew that the answer couldn't be that.

"My... Uh- my alarm didn't go off. I'm sorry." Frankie was taken aback by Jane's apology, she had nothing to apologise for, to him, at least.

"Mornin' Jane." Korsak called from his desk.

"Morning, Korsak." _Come on Rizzoli!_ She thought, she had them all convinced for months that she was okay, she couldn't change that now. Just then, her phone buzzed, along with Korsak's and Frankie, alerting them to a possible homicide down in Stony Brook. They all grabbed their badges, notepads and weapons and headed downstairs.

"You alright, Jane?" Korsak asked as they approached the elevator, turning to face his partner, and friend.

"Yeah, thanks." Jane replied whilst smiling. It must have convinced Korsak as he seemed content with the answer he was given. They all piled into Korsak's car and headed to the crime scene.

When they got there, they saw all the police officers already there, gathering statements from witnesses and keeping the scene secure. CSRU were there, collecting and bagging evidence, and of course, he chief M.E, Dr. Maura Isles. Officer Jenkins was the first on scene, so whilst Frankie went to assist Maura, Jane and Korsak spoke to Jenkins, and gathered all the information they could before heading over to join Maura and Frankie.

"What we got?" Korsak asked Maura, Jane still wasn't in the mood for talking to people, and was trying desperately hard to keep her emotions in check.

"Well, we have a female, Jane Doe, looks to be in mid 20's." Maura replied.

"You do a rape kit?" Korsak questioned. As it was pretty clear that she had been raped.

"No, not yet, doing that as soon as I get her to the morgue." Korsak nodded. Jane pulled on her latex gloves and began poking around. No I.D, as expected, as Maura had clearly stated, she was indeed, a Jane Doe.

"Cause of death?" Korsak asked.

"Not until I do the autopsy." Maura replied. At that moment, both Korsak and Maura looked at Jane, normally, she would make some sarcastic comment about how Maura needn't do an autopsy to determine the cause of death, but this time was different, Jane didn't know what was going on, thoughts in her head were causing a massive migraine, _her fault, self harm, pain, suicide_,_ her fault, self harm, pain, suicide_,_ her fault, self harm, pain, suicide_,_ her fault, self harm, pain, suicide_, those thoughts were just circling around in her head. Her head now ached, everything was becoming blurry, and she was dizzy. She was breathing heavily and panicking. She stumbled backwards, only just managing to keep on her feet. Maura and Korsak looked at each other and rushed over to help Jane. They lead her over to a stone wall and made her sit. Korsak went to get her a cup of water. Jane began to calm down and take in what had just happened. It appears, not only did she have, and _still _has, a migraine, she also suffered a panic attack. As soon as he returned, Maura began asking questions.

"Jane – I need you to look at me." Jane immediately looked at Maura. She felt like a puppy, being obedient to its owner otherwise it would get punished. "What happened?"

"I... Don't know..." Jane said, strangely quieter than normal.

"Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine, just a headache, okay?"

"Jane, come on, are you _sure_ it was just a headache? Behaviour like you were showing usually indicates that along with a headache, there is something of significance bothering them. There's nothing else bothering you?" Both Maura and Korsak looked at Jane with concern written all over their faces. Jane looked back and forth between the two.

"I'm fine, okay?"Jane said, rather angrily whilst getting up and walking back over to the crime scene. Maura and Korsak exchanged a look, knowing they would have to investigate later.

"Hey, Janie?" Frankie called. As much as she didn't want to, Jane walked over to her younger brother, who was standing amongst the other officers at the scene.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"Geez, why is everybody asking that?! I'm fine." She replied. "Why are you asking _anyways?_"

"I was just worried, that all. I saw Maura and Korsak taking you over there, I didn't want to intrude, but I wondered what was going on. Are you _sure _you're okay?"

"Yes! Now please stop asking." She said, and walked away. The brunette walked past Maura and Korsak. Stopping to talk briefly.

"I'm gonna head back to the station. You guys gonna be back soon?" Jane asked.

"Yeah, soon." Maura replied.

"How are you getting back Jane? We came up in my car..." Korsak said.

"Uh – I'll walk." Jane replied.

"It's 16 miles Jane. Take my car, Frankie and I will get a ride back in an officer's car."

"Nah, Vince, thanks, but you two need it, I'll be fine." She said in monotone.

"At least then, let me walk with you?" Maura offered.

"No, thanks. You have your work to finish here." Jane left after that. Her wrists throbbed from the pain she had inflicted the night, and nights before. Her earlier thoughts came back into her head. _Her fault, self harm, pain, suicide_,_ her fault, self harm, pain, suicide_,_ her fault, self harm, pain, suicide_,_ her fault, self harm, pain, suicide_. It all got too much that she had to sit down on a wall. She put her arms on her knees and her head in her hands.


	2. Chapter 2

She must have sat there for ages. As the next thing she knew Korsak and Frankie standing over her. She looked up, and, honestly, was scared. She had not expected to one, stay there _that _long that her brother and her partner would find her, and two, that they were actually, there.

"Hey Janie." Frankie said weekly.

"Jane..." Korsak began, as both men sat down next to the shocked detective. "What's up? Tell us, please?"

"It's nothing... I- I just don't feel great today okay? I didn't mean to worry you."

"It's OK Jane; you don't have to tell us all the little details, and do you wanna ride with us back to headquarters?"

"Yeah, thanks." Jane weakly got up off the stony wall, her joints aching from being in the same position for ages. Frankie let her have the front seat and he climbed into the back. Jane closed the door, put her seatbelt on, rested her arm on the door and they sped off back to headquarters.

Back at headquarters, the guys tried talking to Jane again, but no matter how hard and how much, they tried, she would not let them in. Maura was in the lobby, Jane didn't want any questions as she knew Frankie and Korsak were right behind her so she just continued, avoiding the blondes gaze. She got in the elevator and went up to the 3rd floor.

Back in the lobby, Korsak and Frankie walked in, and over to the doctor.

"She should have been back ages ago, where was she?" Maura asked the two men.

"We found her sitting on a wall about 10 miles from here, she was not looking good, she looked, almost, depressed I guess." Korsak sadly admitted. "I think I'm gonna send her home, if she'll listen..."

"Yeah, that's probably the right thing to do, Korsak." Frankie agreed.

"Yeah, I'll head round later, I think." Maura said. "She if we can have dinner, hey, Korsak, mind if I go up and ask if I can go round later before you send her home?"

"That's a great idea, doc" Korsak agreed. Frankie nodded.

Maura headed upstairs and carefully approached Jane at her desk as if she was a tiger approaching its prey.

"Hey Jane." She said.

"Hi." Jane replied,

"I was just wondering, if we could have dinner at yours tonight?"

"I guess, can you bring the food?"

"Of course, 2 hours?"

"Yeah, okay" Jane replied with little enthusiasm in her voice.

"Great, see you then"

"Yeah..." With that Maura left, satisfied, she could then press on later, and find out what was wrong with her friend. Just as she was getting to the elevator, Korsak and Frankie stepped out.

"She on board with it doc?" Korsak asked,

"She is, 2 hours" Maura replied.

"Okay, great." Maura stepped into the elevator and Korsak and Frankie continued to the squad room. Korsak sat at his desk and Frankie continued on to B.R.I.C.

"Jane? Go home for the night, you said it yourself, you aren't feeling great." Korsak asked.

"No – we've got this homicide case I'm supposed to be working on."

"Frankie's helping, and so is Nina, you can go home, they've got your bit covered."

"I can't leave it to them..."

"They said its fine, please Jane?"

"Fine, okay, I guess I have to tidy before Maura gets there tonight..." she said, remembering she had her bloody bandages from the night before still lying about somewhere. She shut her computer down, waved goodbye to Frankie and Nina, and Korsak, then left, hoping she would have enough time to tidy up before Maura got there.

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